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Sunday, February 22, 2015

To Chaya Mam

This post is to acknowledge that one person who guided me in the toughest decision of my life.
The year was 2007 when I went to Mysore for my training. I was finding it hard to make friends in the short duration of two months in the campus. I felt alone and wanted to talk my heart out with someone. Girls were interested in boyfriends gossips and I had none. Boys were interested in girlfriends and I was not playful enough to be one. The introvert in me like always convinced me that people does not find me interesting enough to talk. So, one day when I was bored and in need of a good friend, I went to her room. Chaya Srivatsa's room, the life coach at Infosys. Not to discuss any stress issue, or relationship issue but simply to talk. As I knew she had to listen to me for the nature of her job. And she did listen. I went to her many times during my stay just to talk and in my few fond memories of the campus, the time spent with this wonderful woman is one.

I still had not needed her for any serious advice till the end of my hectic training unlike many others. Until the day when my father fixed my marriage. Arranged marriages undergoes a scary process especially when parents are like mine who don't want to take risks. Just a 15 minutes meeting and my parents were convinced of a match to my astonishment. Everything was good, the family, the guy's job almost everything except one - I was not convinced with my 15 minutes encounter. I didn't like his dressing sense, the way he pushed me to talk and the whole family staring me the whole time. Enough, I told him that I don't approve. But nobody in my family budged, scared of social stigma attached with broken marriage prospects. I remember crying incessantly in the washroom of my office wondering how could this happen to me. That I was going to get married to a guy without my consent. I felt betrayed unable to understand why my family that always loved me and listened to me, was not supporting me in the biggest decision of my life. I couldn't fathom whom I loved anymore. I was depressed and desperate when I dialed her number.

Sometimes, when nothing works, all you need is a calm voice to clear all the clouds in your head. Sometimes you don't need to believe in magical powers when real people show you the way. Chaya Mam, as I fondly call her, didn't advise me anything but put before me two choices I had. Either I bow down to my family wishes and marry the guy or being an independent woman, break my ties, and live on my own. I was silent and started thinking rationally, from my mind and not from my heart. Can I live without my family? Yes, I am a grown up, self-dependent person. I realized I am not a victim to my family's wishes. I have a choice. People can try to force their decisions but we always have a choice to walk away and get lost in this world. So the question remained, should I walk away? And I decided against it. NO. I love my family too much. Moreover, I did not want to runaway from what life was bringing on my way. Hence, from that day on the decision to marry that guy became mine. No more I could blame anyone so no need to hold on grudges. But what about my heart. Another call to Chaya Mam and she asked me exactly what the problem was? I tried to give her some now-I-think-them-ridiculous reasons and she understood the main issue. Ours was a 'rab ne bana di jodi'. She rejected all my points and asked me to mail her 10 good points about him. I did that and in the process realized how stupid I am. How can I be sure if I can get a better husband and won't regret rejecting a decent proposal!!

From that day onwards, I resolved to work on my relationship and stopped blaming others for my life and its decisions. I own up all my decision as my mentor showed me the way.

Chaya Mam, I want to tell you this that I have always believed in an omnipresent, omniscient power, the giver of life but because of you I started to believe that power is amongst us, in us. There is nothing supernatural about it. There is no need to follow any saint or practice any religion but to look within and in each other. Sometimes as a father, as a mother, as a friend, as a child, as a well-wisher, as a stranger, or even as nature that power connects with us in small gestures and show us light when all we can see is darkness. We just need to search around for signs for it. You were that light in those dark hours of mine. And whenever I say thanks to God for making me love that guy as my husband, for believing in him to be my soul-mate, for caring for his family as mine, I always think and thank you for speaking with me that day :)

As I can feel my soul connected with yours I pray for your happiness. Happy Birthday!! Lets catch up sometime very soon :)
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23 comments:

  1. Journey of life becomes much easier with a guide like her. Great post Roohi :-)

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    1. True Mani.. we just to need to find the right and positive one..

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  2. Beautiful tribute. Sometimes an individual makes such a lot of difference in our life.

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    1. Absolutely Matheikal, ..if you look closely each person connected to us directly or indirectly affect us..

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  3. Glad you found someone you could trust. Most of the times it is difficult to surrender to someone else's advice, no matter how sincere.

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    1. I trust people most of the times Abhijit.. But I never surrender to others advice as I like to follow my own mind and listen to my heart.. Chaya mam, as I have told in the post didn't exactly advice me.. but she showed me the possible ways out there.. it helped me to sort my mind..

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  4. You just said the essence: "I did not want to runaway from what life was bringing on my way. Hence, from that day on the decision to marry that guy became mine. No more I could blame anyone so no need to hold on grudges."

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    1. Thanks Ravish :) Its always so nice to see your comments here..

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  5. You are brave to tell all this in a blog. :) You are lucky you had some one who could guide you through those days!
    My regards to this great guide!

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    1. Brave!! That I don't know Indrani, but that part of my life taught me great lessons and helped me to come out stronger in life.. Some incidents are life changing but its up to us whether we let them break us or make us.. I hope this narration help people to understand that life is not about revolting, but about loving.. And yes, I was lucky to find and recognize correct voice :)

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  6. Roohi so happy to hear that things worked for you. And your ma'am sounds super.

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    1. She is an amazing woman, Mridula.. I can say my role-model :)

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  7. beautiful. and wish everyone have someone like her, and especially, who just simply listen to you, and even if they don't have exact solution, they stand by you, but there are more of talkers not listeners :|

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    1. Everyone get to meet some one like that.. we just need to reach out, Hemu.. I could have fallen into the dungeon but instead I chose to reach out and see life responded through her :)

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  8. Great post, beautifully narrated. Happy Birthday to your mentor: Chaya Ma'am. I like & fully agree to this point: "People can try to force their decisions but we always have a choice to walk away and get lost in this world"

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    1. Thanks Vishal.. And yes it took this incidence in my leach that taught me this great lesson.. So no need to feel victimized to own fears now..

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  9. Lucky to have such lovely teachers who took pain for our betterment ..

    I am lucky too , I am what i am because of all the efforst my teachers put in me
    Bikram's

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    1. I have been shaped by both kinds of teachers, Bikram - the good one and the bad ones.. Good ones taught me what I am capable of and the bad ones taught me what I should never become :)

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  10. Beautiful story Roohi.It is wonderful that you remember the one person who made a difference. In her book "The Power" Rhonda Bryne advices to simply jot down all the good qualities of a person with whom you want to improve relationship and read it for the next couple of weeks-your relationship will change for the better. a similar advice seems to have been given by"Chaya mam" seemed to have happened in respect of your future husband. Best wishes!

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    1. Exactly Rajeev.. It is because our thoughts manifest themselves as our reality.. You think good and good will happen, you believe in bad and so it goes.. :)

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  11. Thanks for sharing your story here Roohi...It's not easy to and not many people do it...You were brave and you were lucky as well to be guided by Chaya Mam... Yes, no one can force their choices on us if we decide to fight for it..It is always our own decision whether to be a victim or a fighter, well, most of the times....

    Wonderful read

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    1. Man has been gifted with a great quality called will, Naba.. Nothing can conspire against his will and if something like that is happening than it is because that Man is asleep to his own consciousness.. If I accept I accept with my complete heart and if I reject it should be the same way.. there does not exist any middle path..

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  12. Beautiful post Roohi... just happened to stumble upon it. Though I haven't met Chayaji in person, we've spoken on the phone and do chat up once in a while. She's a lovely person :-) Very sweet of you to dedicate a post to her. Cheers!

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