Monday, May 19, 2014

Mirror on the wall! - Short Story

He was my rival in my world as he owned everything that I ever dreamed of. We both started at same level. But his ways to get to things were shrewder than mine. Or I was much na├»ve, as I thought, at that time. But he didn’t have one thing that I possessed- a boon by the sorcerous powers- a mirror that could warn me about any immediate foe. And so I knew about him from the beginning before even knowing him.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Chronicles of an IT Momma - Loving the guilt

"Of what use is life, if it doesn't love.
Rose without fragrance is some petals sewn together"

I never dreamed to be a mother. Never. I had other desires- to be a wife, good daughter-in-law, career woman- but never a mother. It was a huge responsibility for me and the whole process of giving birth and then taking care of each and every specific needs of a person so fragile- gosh, made me nervous. On top of that my will to preserve my own individuality gave me several suspicions if I would ever do justice to my child. But since there was no escape, following the social obligations some 19 months ago, I became a mother to Pihu. 

I haven't changed much. And I do suffer from occasional guilt-moments sometimes that am I a good mother? I give her massage every day, enjoy her bath, oil her hair but this is not enough given the fact that I leave her with her grandparents for some hours every day. All the self-doubts start pouring from all directions. She is so dependent right now- Am I hurting her little innocent heart when I leave for work? Is she missing me right now as I am sitting in front of an electronic screen? Do I really love her given my past reluctance to be a mother? Will she love me back? The mind starts feeling guilty about this guilt. How much you condition yourself, you can never be free of that remorse and have to constantly work around it as you learn it is for good.

And then incidents like today happen that brushes all this aside.
I come home early due to some network issues at workplace and she's taking her afternoon nap. I kiss her and go to my room and work. She wakes up and I let the door remain open. She is happily playing outside with her grandparents when she notices me inside the room. She gives a loud cry of joy finding me at this time of the day and come rushing inside. I get overwhelm with a gush of love and hold her. And I know I am trying my best and that I can never love anyone anymore and that she will always be my fragrance. As for the guilt-moments, well, glad I have them, since they make me strive to be a good mother! :)

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Ramblings of my Soulmate- I am back!

Isn't it amazing that when we have all the right intention of doing something, and are all set to start it, just about that time everything else feels more important? This is especially true for chores - tasks which are important, have to be done, but just everything else seems to become an excuse of not doing it. I remember during school/college days before exams, when just before beginning to study, preparing detailed timetable used to become more important. I guess we are good at eternal planning, but the actual execution gives us cold feet.

Roohi has been behind me since ages to restart writing. I must admit I do like writing. However I have been a lazy bum.

However all good things come to an end, and so did my reluctance and aversion to take a meaningful activity today. I am hoping that between my non-sensical blabbering, I will produce some words of eternal wisdom someday to mark my day in the immortality of the digital world, but that day is still sometime in future.

As the great muscle man had said, I will be back, I am now - here I am :)

(Ramblings of my Soulmate is a series of posts by Piyush Bhatnagar on SoulFul. Piyush who writes code for living aspires to contribute to making world a beautiful place along with his wife Roohi.)

Thursday, May 8, 2014

What woman wants!

There were some back to back ads of diamond jewellery on the TV channel. One of them amused me. It went on like this- Guy to his friend "I am wondering should I gift diamond to my wife. What will be the return on Investment". His friend dramatically tells the happiness of his own wife when he gifted one to her and tells him such happiness is the RoI. I felt like "Seriously?????"

Do showering expensive gifts really make a happy wife? The diamond companies will kill me for writing this but don't you think diamonds are way too much overrated? Forget about immortality as most diamond companies claim for the white stone - diamonds can be broken and burnt with little or no ash. How can a brittle stone with hyped publicity and year round discounts vouch for the eternal love of a man for a woman?

It takes simple gestures of love to bring real happiness to a woman. A man loves his wife when she is at her ugliest and he still finds her beautiful. He loves her when he can sooth her out when she is at her worst behavior. He loves her when he accepts her as she is. He loves her when he lets her to bring out the best in her as well as in him.

I am a woman and I do not need diamonds to ascertain the love of my husband. Not anymore ever since I read about the 'great diamond scam' and that indeed makes my husband very happy hehehe.

As for gifts, well, I never wish for anything big, but the most ductile and malleable element on the planet. Just some piece of glittering and shimmering Gold - and it does last forever ;)