badge

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

A Conscious Change

Few days back a fellow blogger commented that my impression was something else before my last Blog-post. That made me think whether I have changed!
Probing myself further I realized don't we all change constantly every moment? Yes, we all are changing every next moment of our life - biologically we are growing old, spiritually we are progressing or regressing, socially we are getting liked or disliked. So I can never say I am like this or that. The moment I understand myself as a particular kind, next moment I cease to exist in that state as my understanding of myself has made me maturer than my previous state. Change is inevitable and has to happen. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. Sometimes it's a conscious decision and sometimes without us noticing. But when change is conscious we move one step closer to understand the reason for our existence.

One such conscious change that I wanted was to experience hostel life. Had it been my way, I would have gone to hostel even before reaching teenage. I know you must be thinking whether my parents did not love me? Let me correct you, my parents doted on me as I was the youngest. Maybe that was what drove me to dream about staying alone. I was being so much protected by everyone that I wanted to figure out what it means to be all by myself!

Finally it happened for graduation. When I moved in to a complete different land, among strangers, sharing room and common bathrooms. The first room I shared was with 3 other girls and each one choose a wall and a wardrobe. That's it. The first thing I did after setting up my bed and baggage was decorating my corner. I took colored sheets and pasted a Rainbow, few clouds and birds. My friends loved that creativity. There were people who would miss their families, especially mothers but I didn't. I loved my family as I do now but I was looking forward to life, being on my own, in-charge of myself. Life was pretty simple over there and every evening, we would hear of someone crying out of boredom. There was no television, no fancy club-house, no city-traffic and no boys! Just abundance of Neem trees in a desert land. Though occasionally, I tool felt being isolated from the rest of the world but I could also see it as a boon in disguise. That is why when my father with a heavy heart put before me the idea to quit, I refused. How often do we take time to talk to ourselves?

It was a change from a regular life. It made me look within myself and focus on working on my limitations. I started writing more frequently, practiced Yoga, learned basic vocal music, worked on mathematics, and most importantly eating regularly and almost everything! Before coming to this place I ate little like a bird and was very weak, but now I looked good. That place also made me spiritual and think beyond rituals and religions.

Even today I owe my sense of reasoning and the courage to stand by my decisions, to my choice of staying back at that place for not one - two but for complete three years. Such experiences shape the future course of life, in a positive direction!

* * * 
Prompted by #StartANewLife by Housing.com