The healing of my mother heart

As I spoke about my little one's June birthday celebrations, with joy in my voice and twinkle in my eyes, my colleague looked impressed. He first checked again if I have two daughters. And then, he said, 'good now you know, you can plan your third child to be born in June.' My smile suddenly widened but my eyes gave way to confusion, as I shook my head and asked, 'why would I plan a third child?' He still looked and smiled at me casually. So I played along, 'I have two, done and dusted, now they need all my time.' He said, 'true, I have two as well and we are done and dusted as well', he paused for a second before continuing as I prayed silently he wouldn't, ' and I have a girl and a boy, all what I wanted'. 

Its a socio-cultural thing. If I had two boys, someone might have advised me to go for a third child to try for a girl. Though it might have hit differently. People are people. They just spit nonsense without thinking much. But women go through lot of disappointments after the life changing experience of giving birth. Some feel bad about the gender of baby, some about their changed body, changed relationships and God knows what else.

Being a mother of only girls, I will not shy from saying that it hits me hard when someone talks to me with even a slightest of a hint to point that I am not blessed with a boy. I can't help but note why some one would especially bring gender or avoid it altogether when talking about children with me. Long ago due to my quiet demeanour I would not be able to rebel against that little hint of pity in their casual tone. But God how much I would feel agitated when I sensed it! I broke friendships to talk to my heart and heal it. I love boys, I love girls but I love my children more. They are my duty. We are connected beyond life. Years and years of healing the repercussions of the war waged inside me.

People think from their myopic view. Bragging egoistically when think they have the best or dripping jealousy when feel they have worse. They live in conflicts themselves and ruin conversations and relationships. But I am a free person not living in conflict any more. A slow and simple realisation of  'we only get what we need the most in life' was game changer for me. In time I have embraced my life and introvert nature as my true bespoke blessings. I still don't rebel or argue but prefer not continuing any unnecessary conversation when some one tries to discuss gender with me. 

'Hmm', I replied to my colleague before moving on to other subject. But the pity in my heart on his naivety lingered long after.