Monday, April 9, 2018

The Objective of Positivity

It is going to be almost a year since I updated my blog. But here I am today at it again - with some profound thoughts. Some pleasant thoughts arising from some not so pleasant hard-hitting, soul-stirring yet a miniscule incident in my busy mommy life.

There is this power that I have got. I learn and I like to learn. Lately, I am learning from my slow moving life which is a conscious choice. I like to learn from happening- non happening, happy- not so happy, interesting- boring, basically any thing that comes my way. I am not trying to seek any learning but let it come my way. There is a beauty in the things that I am attracting towards myself through my conscious choice of focusing only on my small world.

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I am out of my comfort zone these days and motherhood is pushing me to interact with lot of people. I am not an active communicator but motherhood is doing wonders to me. I am talking, a lot, so that I can be a good social impression on my children and guide them efficiently in this ever changing world. And by communication I strictly mean conversations, those that are healthy and can emit positivism in my surroundings. I am aware that even the littlest of my details is being observed by my kids and they are going to try to emulate those themselves. I am aware of that but not intimidated. Because if I get intimidated I will start behaving artificially. But the best way of leading a healthy life is to be natural. So no, I have to take all of their attention in a very positive way. And try to work around that. Conscious about those eyes looking at me but not letting it faze me even a bit. Only then I can be natural and be at my best. And this is how motherhood is being wonderful to me. It is helping me to grow over and above my inhibitions. I am able to talk and do it whenever I want at my convenience. Oh, and the beautiful conversations I am enjoying as I venture out more and more in the world. I wish I could be like this years ago. When I would get intimidated by mere presence of people. Stupid and silly, I was!

But not all interactions are good. They can never be. Because this world is not driven by only my energy. It is the cause and effect of a combined source of energy. My energy, your energy, the give and take phenomenon of the collective consciousness. Hence, there might be instances when you are all hale and happy and hearty and someone just come over and shock you with some insensitive action, like say a rude comment or expression, maybe a forced altercation. One such thing happened with me in recent past and it will keep happening every now and then as I understand. So, it happened this particular day and I was just brimming and smiling and excited about a small event related to my elder one and just next moment, I am offended and victimized by a person whom I happened to meet for the first time! I was in the whole-positive-energy-going-down-the-drain type situation.

I was able to let it go and learn from this small unpleasant affair as well. That things are not always in my control. The way people, strangers or friends might behave is totally dependent on their energy. But I still have the power to turn it around at least a bit, by not mirroring their energy. I definitely get affected by negativity, who doesn't? I have bad experiences of bullying through out my life. But unlike my pre-motherhood self, who would try to retaliate unsuccessfully and then cry helplessly, my convictions are stronger post motherhood. It is very easy to see through people. To understand that reckless behavior arises out of those who have issues with themselves. They are broken, or maybe they were not able to fully grow, they have a stagnant mind, they are troubled themselves. It is easy to see through the disturbed personalities and calm them down through our own calmness. When we have this much degree of understanding, we can transfer whatever little positive energy we have even though the weight of negativity might bog us down a little. Never mind, we can take it as some penance to a bad karma and move on, shining more than ever before. We can be above of hatred and anger - like a beacon of hope - a ray of light in the world struggling with darkness - told you motherhood, the acceptance of being responsible for the well-being of two little lives - is doing wonders!

So I have learned in the course of time that positivity does get affected by harsh realities, by negative forces but not before making it clear that it belongs to that space between right and wrong- the space of objectivity - the field of love!

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