Friday, July 29, 2016

How to deal with people who talk nonsense and cause hurt!

Do you know the universal truth of this world? I'll tell you.. kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna, chhodo bekaar ki baaton mein kahin beet na jaye raina...

Recently, I was disappointed by one of my very good friend for some really insensitive, immature commentary. I am in a very beautiful phase of my life, constantly in the company of an adorable, kissable baby and so the comments, though unintentional yet, they pierced right through my heart denting my happiness a bit. For a moment, I considered scolding my dear friend for being insensitive to my feelings but then I waited before hurrying into such action. I was silent for few minutes trying to give sometime and when I saw the person has no idea where the words were going, I politely took the discussion in my hand and veered it in some positive direction.

But the damage had already been done. Long after the conversation, I could not help but feel bad for myself and eventually for my friend who did that to me. Initially, it made me think whether I did it right by not giving back what I received? Does that make me meek, timid, the same silent girl I was in my childhood, whom peers would slap and who could not reply back because she would be too shocked (Yup, it has actually happened with me!)? But then I remembered the later times, when I had found my voice and could actually stand for myself. Yes, I have given back to people many times. I have no qualms about it when I did that to certain toxic personalities but being sensitive, I felt guilty of doing that to some who have been otherwise good to me. Whatever may be the case, toxic or non-toxic, it's always unpleasant getting involve in arguments with any person. It is, in fact, ugly - like jumping in a pit of dirt. Your linen is definitely, going to get stained. Your peace of mind, is definitely going to get affected. Hence, I felt glad that I could work out of this tricky situation patiently and didn't indulge in any conflict with my friend. I also felt the maturity (of not getting agitated when people hurt my sentiments) growing in me. May be its because of being in much more stable age or because motherhood teaches you perseverance or may be just because I am blessed. Whatever may be the reason, one thing is sure this way you can save yourself from further damages as you have your peace of mind absolutely intact. This is the power of forgiving silently. I can say that people who talks nonsensically to the point of hurting others, should be forgiven entirely. Why forgiven? Let me tell you why. As I have written earlier, I also felt bad for my friend who was responsible for hurting me. In the process of healing my pain, I understood one thing - that while commenting, this person was totally ignorant about the pain that such na├»ve comments caused me. So, how would you feel for someone who is ignorant? It should be same as what you feel for a helpless baby or a mute pet. Pitiful, right? At that instant, this quote came to my mind :

img courtesy here

Its not only my friend but looking from broad perspective, we all are ignorant. In this big wide world how many times it happens that knowingly or unknowingly, directly or indirectly, we become responsible for someone's agony. After all, we are humans and fully capable to err :) You may think about someone in your life, an impatient boss, a discriminating teacher, a jealous neighbour, anyone who has harmed you and say, you cannot forgive such person. I agree, there are certain people who cause negative effect on our life and I do believe in saving the skin from such people by steering clear of them but I have developed this immensely powerful capability of forgiving even such extreme people. Even when people cause pain intentionally, it's because their mind have wandered from the right path. And a man who has gone astray is surely headed for his own disaster. As the saying goes, everyone reap only what they sow. This knowledge has given me the wisdom to forgive everyone eventually and focus only on my karma. There is no point in giving back. It's just a waste of time, energy and yes, peace of mind. So, what would I do now when such unfortunate encounters happen with someone, when someone just go on blah blahing in front of me? I would play the famous Rajesh kaka's number in my mind and tell them under my breath ki jao tumko maaf kiya, bas tum mujhko maaf karo aur jeene do (I forgive you, leave me alone and let me live ;)) 

What do you do in such situations? Do you give back or simply forgive silently?

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