Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Oops I read diary.. of a young girl!

Image courtesy here
Before you start thinking what a horrible person I am coz I invaded somebody else privacy let me tell you, it was an accident. Believe me! I just stumbled upon it and turned its pages to check what the book was about when suddenly I realized what it is. But by that time it was too late! The few pages were so interesting that I couldn't resist the temptation to read it complete. How can you stop yourself from eating the forbidden apple once you have taken the bite and tasted it?

And so when I went through its entries, I could see myself smiling and falling in love with that young, innocent girl full of aspirations and hopes of future and her stupid apprehensions and doubts. I could see her thoughts growing mature with each entry written not so regularly but still maintained with the flow of time. And I realized how life simply moves on whether you are ready for it or not. How time simply rolls by and takes you along with it. How your seemingly big impossible problems or situations becomes insignificant in matter of just few days, months or years. Because that young girl is none other than my own more than a decade old version.

Have you ever maintained a diary? I have. Really, and now I think that's the best thing I have done to myself - writing at and about different stages of my life. I guess I started somewhere when I was around 15-16 and I was most active in writing it during my hostel days especially my graduation days in remote setting of Banasthali. After marriage, I hardly feel the need to write anything in that book of secrets. Initially, maybe 2-3 entries I have made but that's it. I guess that's also may be because I am busy eating my husband's brains or maybe because I am much more busy with life at full swing at this stage of parenthood. Unlike the hostel days when young blood have lots of dreams, doubts and uncertainties about future.

So, once in a long while when I remember about the little book forgotten and hidden somewhere (read buried) in my closet, I make efforts and struggle to find it and then sit to turn its pages (of course, only when my almost 3 yr old bumbling bee is not around) and my that life, the one when I was still dreaming, fussing over petty issues, getting elated over equally petty things, that life comes alive before my eyes. With time we tend to forget not so significant moments but our true innocence is captured in those small moments only. 

I am no more the same person I used to be and I will no more be this same person I am now as well. I am a constant change and the only thing that I felt as I realized this, was how thankful I am that I write - previously in a diary and now on this blog. Both are dear to me. But my diary a little more because it helped me to grow personally to the point where now I can share my opinions confidently with the world. And yes the priceless memoirs of the time gone. How can I not be thankful for these time capsules I have created in the form of my entries? But more so, my confidante in my diary serves as a living example to me that Time is a great mover and healer. And this is what I am gonna teach my coming generations - express and explore yourselves by writing notes to yourself, pen down your journey, and when worried about certain things go back to it and read the old pages to believe in the power of time. It helps not only in finding proper directions during difficult phases of young life but also gives an immense joy as a great companion with growing age when you can sit back and read about a familiar yet a different you.

And to give you a little sneak peek of Roohi 11 years ago, here's a small piece from my diary, (yes I have written many poems in hindi too :)):

जो मुझको समझे 
जो मेरे दुखो को समझे 
वो है मेरा

जब मैं रोऊँ वो हंसाये 
और फिर रोने ही न दे 
वो है मेरा 

जो बात मैं कह न पाऊं 
जो वो बात सुन पाये  
वो है मेरा 

जो मेरी आँखों से गुज़र के  
मेरे दिल का हाल जान जाये 
वो है मेरा 

जो अपने दुःख में 
मेरे पास बैठ जाये 
वो है मेरा 

जो मेरी कमियों को 
हंस कर भूल जाये 
वो है मेरा 

जो मेरे रूप रंग को 
मेरी सोच में पाये 
वो है मेरा 

वो जो ऐसा है , वो कहाँ है ?
बस एक बार वो मुझे मिल जाये 
जो है मेरा।  

Isn't that quite romantic? Yearning of a lonely heart :) It was me. Of course, I have found the dreamy guy in my husband (Piyush? Are you reading this?)

Do you also write things and read them later in life? How do you feel about it? Tell me - I am all ears :)

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