Monday, March 6, 2017

The 'will I love my baby?' dilemma and more of a second time Momma

You are a mother to a beautiful baby. You dote on your offspring so much that you believe you cannot possibly love anyone else anymore. And then you get the news that you are expecting again. How would you feel?

A lot of mothers who plan for their second kids or who accidentally expect another may find themselves facing this dilemma. Will I be able to love my second/next baby as much as I do my first one?

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  • Mothers who plan for second kids may find themselves doubtful. Will I be able to love my next baby as much as I do my first one? - Click to tweet
Hear my experience.

I always dreamed of having two kids. Before the second one came into the picture, life was always about my first born, Pihu (except for the 'me' and 'us' times :)). We pampered her like anything. I carried the image of her cute little face, her chirpiness, her laughter everywhere with me. Before my second one arrived, whenever we would go for any outings my daughter would cling to me and my husband, and I would start imagining how beautiful it would be if she gets her own company. That was always the family I desired. Yes, that's what I had always wished for. To see my darling daughter with a sibling. When I became pregnant with our second one, the first thought that occurred was - wow, she will have a company very soon. She should not feel left out with the arrival of the new born. How will she cope up during my delivery time? etc etc. It was all about her all the time. So yes, it did occur to me will I love my next child as much as I love the first one. Will the younger one be as dear to us? or will she feel a lack of love somewhere?

It is very natural to feel that way. After all, we are always excited about something for the first time because of the unknowns attached. Second time, we are prepared for most of the things so the excitement is less. In case of kids it is no different, the first born always keeps you busy as everything with them is your first time. Even today, though my little one needs me always but my elder one can feel the connect more emotionally. But what about me? Do I love my younger girl as much? Hmm.. let me continue with my story..

During the pregnancy period, I was as careful as I was during the first one. Only difference, sometimes I was more confident as it was needed, for I was already mothering a child. As I went through second delivery, I was composed compared to first when I was both anxious and excited. But the difference ended hitherto, as when I heard the crying voice of my baby, I was happy just as much as I was before. Exactly same happy. When I saw her face, my joy knew no bounds. I wanted her in my arms that moment only. It is one of the two best memories of my life. Just like the moment when I caressed Pihu's cheeks when she was presented to me freshly out of my womb. I didn't kiss Pihu. Nopes, I didn't because she was so soft that I was scared, I would hurt her. But Pari, oh, I kissed her. As my confidence allowed me, I kissed her two times, and she stopped crying. You won't believe she was crying so loudly that the doctors complained but she stopped after I kissed her. Yes, she did stop crying. I play that moment again and again in my mind.

The next few months, I was completely besotted by my new born. But I missed Pihu constantly. It was almost a year that I couldn't carry her in my arms. The C-section had given me another 6 months notice not to lift anything including her. On that I was under baby blues that are comes as a part of new motherhood package for some mothers. Sometimes, I would question myself whether I love her less now as I had a new baby. The new baby looked so delicate and tiny that I would try to remember when was Pihu like that. She was growing too fast. The threenage was quickly giving way to furious four. She looked all grown up to me. I had never imagined the difference would look so remarkable. All my preparations that my elder one would not feel left out, were useless. I was struggling and I missed her terribly. She missed me too, I knew. So the first thing I did as I completed 6 months of my delivery was to lift her in my arms. I do that often though she feels taller than before. But it makes me happy. And I know it makes her very happy, too.

Each passing moment and I realize how much I love both my kids equally and immensely.
 That life is not about exclusivity but all about inclusiveness.
The love I have for them can't be compared. Yes, it's a lot of work, it's tiring and sometimes I feel like a ping pong ball, as I haggle between my two kids. But isn't that a sweet thing? I love to be this ping pong ball for these two little beings. They both must have had a strong connection to me through all my lives. How else can one explain such emotions?

So, if you have any doubt about whether you will love your next born or whether your love for your first born will diminish after the arrival of another baby, then leave such kind of worries to Kraken. As humans, we have lot of potential to love. As women, that potential is infinite. As mothers, that infinite is nondiscriminatory.
  • As humans, we have lot of potential to love. As women, that potential is infinite. As mothers, that infinite is nondiscriminatory. - Click to Tweet
Once you understand this, you know how big your heart is and you are ready to embrace the whole world with love that is always ready to explode.

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After two pregnancies and deliveries, I am coming up with a series of posts to discuss some common and not so common issues, experiences a woman encounters during this happening phase of her life that no doubt, changes her perspective towards life and world. Click here to see all my articles related to Pregnancy and PostPartum

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